266TH District Court

Hello again.

Sometimes it is really hard starting one of these blogs as I've said before. I know what I want to convey, but doing so without the vehemence I feel, is trying. Up to this point, Cheyenne had undergone an extensive surgery on Good Friday 2015 to remove her thyroid which contained a cancerous lesion. They also removed a lymph node to check for metastasis (disease that has spread outside the tumor.)

The tumor had been found completely by accident or divine intervention, as we believe, after a softball injury and subsequent testing. Thankfully, her spine was okay and she had no fracture, but a nodule had been seen on CT in the ER. The doctor had recommended checking into it after Chey's neck injury healed. Of course, we didn't wait, at all, and we are fortunate my inability to let things ride took over and we went ahead full steam. We did more testing, at our family doctor's office, and within a week of the accident, we were scheduled at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston. Their Thyroid Tumor Program was ranked third in the nation and we liked their philosophy of a team approach instead of seeing different specialists in different locations and practices.

It was a whirlwind time, that is for sure! Discovery of the nodule on March 7th and removal on April 3rd made our heads spin. Cheyenne had no intention of letting this diagnosis slow her down anymore than necessary and she was back at school within a week after the procedure. Fatigued for sure, but battling all the same. She is an amazing young woman, then and now. It is just too bad the damn school wasn't more focused on that aspect and following the Commissioner of Education's ruling than on trying to ruin her life.

I am still amazed that grown men and women would stoop so low and treat a student this way. I understand, in hindsight, that they had to - and still do. They cannot allow us to show our physical evidence. I (along with several others) believe they will do anything to stop that from happening. I was often afraid for Cheyenne's safety, especially after the bullying on campus and the obscene sexually explicit attacks on Yik Yak.  More so, it was the lack of authorities protecting her and seriously investigating that fed that fear.

We met our lawyers, Susan and Keith, at the courthouse. We chatted a bit and then proceeded inside. Cheyenne was ill and I had already made her a doctors appointment for later in the day. She was having chills and some fever, but it was imperative she be present. Now, I want to make sure that it is clear to you all as to why we were in court in the first place. I must remind you all that over the previous two years, we had followed the school's grievance protocols. We had done everything the policy required, absolutely everything spelled out in that policy, eventually filing a Petition for Review with the Commissioner of Education. A side note here, (on the record at the Level III hearing with the school board), the school's attorney said we had no recourse to do anything further if they voted to uphold the previous decisions. 

It is a good thing that I can read, huh? It still mystifies me that the attorney for DISD could also be the "impartial moderator." How could someone, on their payroll, who was accepting a fee for services rendered AND giving them advice be impartial? Answer: they can't.

But, on the other hand, it incredibly sad that most of the board member's don't check the laws themselves and instead, rely totally on said advice. This I believe is one, if not the most critical, problem with school board's. Any Tom, Dick or Harry (no offense Tom, Dick and Harry's out there) can get on one if they have enough friends to vote them in or to appoint them to vacated positions-regardless of education, intelligence or ability. In my opinion, this is more prevalent in small town settings. Now, there are exceptions to this trend. I have seen people that are willing to stand up for what is right and just, even though they are outnumbered from the get go. People who are there for what is best for the students, not necessarily the district in itself. It is a sad fact that all to often, they are squeezed out.

Anyway, after following all the guidelines, the Administrator at Level I had thrown out our grievance on an "untimeliness" basis. Basically, he said we filed outside the time allowed, which I believed we did not. After the initial denial, each level followed suit and summarily denied the grievance. It is noteworthy here to mention that the School Board's decision was not  unanimous, they upheld the previous decision by a mere 4-3 vote. My personal opinion is that those votes against had decided the outcome long before the meeting and nothing that was presented would change that.

The Petition for Review was docketed, reviewed and decided-in OUR favor-with the Commissioner ordering the district to hear the merit of our grievance. The final decision was given in January of 2015. Now remember, two long, grueling years had passed since this had begun.  Three full months had passed since the decision was given without a meeting being scheduled, AND graduation was right around the corner. The school had been given a directive from the head of the education system in the state, and they were just sitting on it! We had not been afforded full and complete due process through the grievance proceedings and had no recourse but to file a request for temporary injunction through the court system. Hence, the reason we were in court.

Hopefully, that clears up any questions in regard to why we were here.

We were not the first case of the day, so we sat and watched the other proceedings and Susan handed us a large bunch of papers she had just been given by the opposition. (Apparently, they gave much more to the judge, who was not at all thrilled.) In those papers, the school had alluded to some impropriety on Chey's behalf. We were all totally bewildered as to what they were referencing, even though we were completely convinced they would do ANYTHING to discredit her. (What else could they do? They had to deflect the fact they had yet to comply by any means possible...Even if it had nothing to do with the grievance.) All we could do was shrug our shoulders and wait.

Eventually, the time came and we moved from the stands to the arena. Picture that you are facing the judge and there are two large tables between the benches and his podium, just like on TV. We were on the left side and they were on the right and my, they had a huge constituency of followers with them. Many were recognized and several were not. My how dangerous we must have been...to warrant such a group. We, on the other hand did not have a large group. Only a few friends had come to support us. Thanks to them forever!! You really learn who your true friends are when you are in the lowest places. There were also a couple of other individuals supporting us that the DISD's lawyer tried to run off but, alas, they were not so faint of heart and stayed!

The four of us, (Susan, Keith, Chey and myself) sat down at the table. Chey was very pale and still had the steri-strips on her neck from surgery. She was also chilled so she had a lap blanket on. I was adjusting this, at one point, and noticed one of the local preachers enter and slide into a seat at the back of the room. It was a very curious site, I figured out later, he had political aspirations....

Susan and Keith had all their papers organized and we waited to start. Keith was there as our local contact in this jurisdiction to assist us since Susan's practice is in Houston. He ended being much more than that, when all was said and done. He is a very special man in my book--he rates right up there with Atticus, as does Susan!

I must admit, it is somewhat intimidating in this atmosphere due to the formality of the proceedings. I knew this case forwards and backwards and needing no prompting to remember every, ugly detail that had occurred to this point but I ran over everything time and time again. The opening statements were given and the judge tossed the large bundle of papers the opposition had sprung on him, to the side (with some vehemence may I say.)  It seemed that he was not amused such a quantity of information had been given to him right before court. I can't blame him for that!

Susan was brilliant! She stated the facts of the case as to what had brought us to this juncture. Basically, she explained that there has to be a recourse when an entity gives a directive and it is not complied with! That is what democracy is supposed to be, right?

Ms. Leon gave her presentation and then BAM!!

She told the judge that they, (DISD) didn't even know if 'the student' was going to graduate. She said that Cheyenne had something like a 15 in the grade book in her dual credit English course and it was highly unlikely that she would graduate. My heart was instantly pounding and it took everything to keep my butt in that chair and my mouth closed. All I could think was "What the holy hell was she doing?" Chey had been out on medical leave with freaking cancer and your pulling this! Jeez, we all know grades are often lagging when students are ill and they are given extended time to complete assignments and Chey was certainly ill. All Chey whispered to me was, "Just wait until my grade comes out, that will show the truth."

Susan pushed her chair back very quickly and stood up. She told the judge exactly that! They went back and forth for a while and then the subject turned to the school's due process rights...really? We had been waiting for TWO YEARS on "due process" and all we got was dragging feet! Now they wanted "due process", I couldn't believe it!  Ultimately, Ms. Leon informed the judge that they had filed for a hearing in Travis county or were about to. (They feel the Commissioner erred in his decision) The judge decided he could not make a decision without giving them their time in Travis County and we would/could follow up after that hearing. What else could we do? A few other things transpired also, but that is for another story or book-after we settle this whole mess.

We went on to the doctor afterwards. After speaking to Cheyenne's dual credit teacher's, I found out that the DISD counselor had not even disclosed Chey's illness to them-Cheyenne had done so herself. Cheyenne ended up with a high A in that class after it was all said and done. They had opened all the modules so she could work when able. Often times, she would complete several assignments at a time, then she would sleep the days away but, she did complete them and actually excelled. It is amazing what can be accomplished with a bit of understanding and compassion. The school's case is still pending in Austin at this time, as is ours, in Erath. Oh well, all we have is time right....

Time, we still didn't know what it had in store for our child though,

Next time, Pathology woes,

XXOO Make Everyday Count,

Bonnie

From Bad to Worse...

Well, here we meet again.

The last couple of posts have been a bit off topic. I guess I have been avoiding reliving horrible memories, but here goes anyway. We were very blessed that Cheyenne had made it through her surgery! We were also blessed that the surgeon didn't think the cancer had metastasized (spread to other areas in her body) and we were home!

Cheyenne had been injured in a softball game sliding into second base in March of 2015. From a CT scan in the ER, a nodule was found on her thyroid that eventually was biopsied as Papillary Thyroid Cancer. This has been our story....

On April 7, 2015 Cheyenne returned to school, a mere four days post-op, after complete thyroid removal. She was determined to make it as always and she did. She even went to support her teammates at their softball game (which they won) and readied herself for FFA dairy judging the next day. She accomplished that also! It took her sitting in a lawn chair at each area, but she did it. She was exhausted both physically and mentally, and cratered if she sat for more than a minute or two. Most people don't understand how much your thyroid affects your overall health until they experience it. Many people experience feeling colder, being fatigued and suffer from forgetfulness and depression. So, besides just having a major surgery, Chey was having many of these symptoms. Regardless, she kept on plugging along doing the best she could before all hell broke loose on the 9th.

We had been in an ongoing grievance process with Chey's school district since her sophomore year. We had followed the procedure to the "T" as outlined in the policy, yet, the school had refused to hear the merits of our case. Instead, they had stated we filed untimely. Ultimately, after going in front of the school board and losing that Level III appeal-by a 4 to 3 vote, we appealed to the Commissioner of Education, Michael Williams, and on January 16, 2015 he released the decision.

His decision was in a multi-page document, stating "After due consideration of the record, matters officially noticed, and the foregoing Findings of Fact, in my capacity as Commissioner of Education, I make the following Conclusions of Law:

1. The Commissioner of Education has jurisdiction over this cause under Texas Education Code section 7.057(a)(2)(A).

2. Respondent (DISD) cannot reasonably interpret its grievance policy to require Petitioner (Holts) to file a grievance within 15 days of not receiving a report card, when Respondent's teacher told Petitioner that the report card was delayed to add extra credit.

3. An informal grievance policy that encourages a student or parent to meet first with a teacher, principal, or other campus administrator to discuss the problem tolls the timeline for filing a formal grievance until the conclusion of the informal grievance process.

4. Petitioner engaged in the informal grievance process under Respondent's local policy and timely filed a formal grievance within 15 days after the conclusion of the informal grievance process.

5. Petitioner has pled a viable claim that Respondent has failed to adopt or implement policies that meet the requirements of Texas Education Code section 28.022.

6. Petitioner's appeal should be GRANTED, and the case should be REMANDED to Respondent for further grievance proceedings on the merits of Petitioner's claim."

As of April 9, 2015 (and today) the district had not granted that hearing. So we filed for a temporary injunction to prevent the school from calculating and issuing class rankings until a fair hearing was held, as ordered by the Commissioner. We had tried for two long years to work with the school and their policy and felt they had drug their feet hoping Chey would graduate and it would all go away. The hearing was scheduled for Monday April 13, 2015.

This information was included in an article on theflashtoday.com "Holt Family Takes Dublin ISD to 266th District Court in Erath County." The article also stated that the DISD had filed documents in Travis County "because they say the first grievance hearing was held on the student's merits and the grades, not on timeliness." (If you read the transcripts, the school's lawyers clearly and repeatedly remind everyone present that the hearing is strictly on "timeliness" not merit or grades.)

Anyway, Chey had been bullied and ostracized since early on. Many kids said to her and us also that we were "suing the school." We were not, we were following the grievance policy the district had established. Chey often sat alone and the bullying was both in person and online. Of course nothing was ever done. I even had the AD tell me it was my fault because I "put a target on her back."  Unbelievable response!!

When we found out Chey had cancer, I kept thinking, 'Maybe, they will show some compassion and finally do the right thing, have the hearing and put this behind us all.' Some of the kids attitudes had softened, a bit, since her diagnosis, I hoped the adults had too. Boy was I wrong! When the article posted, the few that had thawed were back with claws out. You know how a wild animal reacts when it smells blood? They attack. That's what happened with Chey. Even though the merit had not been addressed and people did not know the story, they judged her as guilty. Sadly, complete strangers seemed to have an easier time, at least, giving her the benefit of the doubt.

I think there is a mob mentality in many small towns and when the school is the biggest employer, it is even worse. I think people are often fearful of retaliation. No one likes to talk about it, but we all know it happens. Our lawyer, told us not to read the comments but how can you not? Thank goodness Chey was too tired to bother, but I had to read them--well at least in the beginning that is.

I was amazed at how people, totally removed from the situation, basically crucified my child, while knowing she had been diagnosed with cancer, no less. They had no idea at all as to what had happened and yet their comments were horrible! I was also amazed and ashamed for those that were acting like our friends to not have the backbone to be upfront. Instead, they would go in and "like" the horrible comments while telling us how much they support us. We are including preachers and teachers in that lot. Boy did it open my eyes to the callousness of others. Having said that, there were a few brave enough to openly support us and we will forever be grateful.  (Love ya, Jim, Carol, Rachel and the work bunches) 

The adults have no excuse, period, and I realize that kids are as fickle as the Texas weather so I could cut them a little slack, but only a little. It didn't seem to matter to any of them that Cheyenne had taken and passed, a polygraph in regard to the issue at hand. When you are a follower, you just jump on the bandwagon because you cannot think for yourself or lead on your own-that is just a fact of life. Very sad, but very true. I guess it is how they try and make up for not having the gifts others do and the drive to succeed. To this day though, I really wonder where their compassion is, if they even have some. I eventually stopped reading the comments and have learned people are basically mean and most are two-faced. Their lives are governed by trying to do more than the Jones' and trying to avoid their own shortcomings and failures by attacking others.

I am also amazed, that my beautiful daughter can still be civil to these heathens. She waits on them at her job and is always as polite to them as she is to any other customer. That to me speaks volumes to the kind of person she is, it is very, very hard for me though. My kids will be better than their momma.

I have said multiple times I am certainly not the best Christian, but I am always up front with everyone. You get what you see and I will tell you my opinion to your face. I am not one to wear one shirt inside the church doors and another when outside those doors. It upsets some, but it is what it is. The way Chey was treated at school is a big part of our story so it will be included in that context. I do not say much about it anymore as we are just in a waiting game, (they usually tell their lawyer when I do and then they call my lawyer.)  Eventually, we will either have a date set in Travis County or we won't, it's that simple.

Chey slept an enormous amount over the weekend. More so than just the thyroid, she was coming down with something to boot. It was par for the course, though, with court bright and early Monday morning.

Next time, Alice and the Queen of Hearts,

XXOO Make Everyday Count,

Bonnie

Recovery and Bathtub Comedy

I want to start of with an apology.  I feel as though I have let you, the reader, down and feel terrible for doing so. I have not posted since October. I have been overwhelmed with friends' diagnoses and an overbearing emotional detachment in our own situation. Well, I'm back! I have decided that I will begin including where we are now, with Chey's illness, so we can get to a current place in time. I believe it will keep my mind and emotions in a much better place. Hope you all are enlightened by, and possibly encouraged by the blog.

Well, we left off last time with Chey leaving the recovery room and being moved up to a room. 

Cheyenne was diagnosed with Papillary Thyroid Cancer on March 18th, 2015 and had surgery to remove her thyroid, on the following Good Friday!! Cheyenne was really out of it from the anesthesia and, to be honest, I think we were too! I know I felt exhausted and everyone else there, supporting us, had to be also. 

My sister Terri, had driven all night from Kansas City (SURPRISE!!) and had not rested yet. We all traipsed upstairs to the room. If you haven't ever been to Texas Children's Hospital, it's worth the drive just to look around the facilities. It's a world class hospital and is geared completely for the pediatric patient! (If you ever find yourself with some extra cash and are looking for a worthy recipient-TCH is your place.) When you walk down the halls there is art displayed everywhere and the majority of it has been done by patients at the hospital or by children that have donated to them. I find it truly amazing that other children take time to make someone else's misery a little easier to handle through this simple gesture.

As a nurse, I noticed all of the boards showing how much these people care about what they are doing. On any given hallway wall you will see notices of how long the staff has gone without incidence of preventable infections of one kind or another.  It is comforting for this parent, to know the nurses care so much about their charges that they are willing to put these stats out there for everyone to see.  From my medical background, not everyone is so forthright!!

When you come to the floor, you have to go through a screening and must be buzzed into the patient area. If you don't have clearance you will not be allowed to enter. I think it is a great system. Some of these children are extremely ill and their immune systems are very weak so you must be diligent. It is commendable that THC carries this safety issue as far as they do! The rooms are beautiful and spacious to boot. Chey's room had a window area that was the full length of the room and looked out over the medical district. There is a sofa that converts to a bed, (for me), plenty of closet space and a TV with DVD player.  The kiddos can watch regular TV or bring their favorite videos to watch.  Each room also has a private bathroom with a shower and tub.

Like I said, we were exhausted so Terrie and Ed had headed back to the Ronald McDonald House and I planned to tuck in on the sofa for the night. As you would expect, staff came in pretty frequently to check on Chey. They tapped her face, checked the compression leg wraps and they took blood samples often via a finger stick. For small children this is okay, but for my teenager - NO BUENO!  She was not happy with this because it made her finger so sore. She would have much rather had them draw it through the vein each time. Cheyenne slept pretty deeply in between visits, but I did not.  It absolutely had nothing to do with the hospital staff or noise level, I simply kept listening to make sure my child was breathing. For those who know me well, you can probably imagine me sitting in a ball, on that sofa, watching and getting up to tap her face myself! You betcha, I did it over and over and over again.

Morning came and Chey had a light breakfast. Ed and Terri brought mine and while they were en-route, Dr. Paul (another endocrinologist) along with one of the Residents came in to see Cheyenne.  Dr. Paul is a very tall and lanky fella.  He is a mustached-man with his salt and pepper hair swept to the side. There was a twinkle in his eyes and a crease between the brows. He also smiles most of the time. Chey was more awake, but still not herself, and was a little cranky. Now, I love my children very much, but they both have extremely dry (sometimes cutting) sense of humors. When Chey does it, it is very subtle but wicked and you just don't expect it AND when she is cranky - watch out! 

One of the things I love most about TCH, is the way the doctors are able to keep the atmosphere very relaxed. Dr. Paul is no exception, and he has quite a sense of humor himself! Anyway, Chey and Dr. Paul were bantering back and forth about her truck (a '68 Chevy) and Ag things. Dr. Paul asked her something, for the life of me I can't remember, and BAM! She nailed him. The Resident covered his mouth and cracked up, so did I. Dr. Paul never skipped a beat, he drew his imaginary sword and slashed it through the air. We all laughed so hard. Well, everyone but Chey, that is. She just sat there with a little half grin on her face, knowing she had gotten him! 

I love this place like no other, they make our troubles bearable!

After the bantering was completed, they examined Chey and gave us a run down of the plan. As you can imagine, Cheyenne was extremely tired and flat worn out, but she was restless and ready to go home. After undergoing surgery, being poked and prodded, and everything else she had gone through over the last two days - Cheyenne wanted a bath!

Here in America, we take a lot of things for granted. Sometimes it takes a shock to wake us up and realize how really lucky we are to live in this great country and have access to the things we do.  Many of these things are just a given and you don't give a second thought to not having them. Not so true in other parts of the world. Our nurse, on this shift, was from the Caribbean. She was an RN and seemed very knowledgeable about her duties.  She smiled a lot and seemed genuinely concerned about my daughter's welfare but, then we came to the tub....

When the nurse came in checking on Chey, she bent over and was tapping Chey's cheek and I asked, "Do you think it would be okay for her to take a bath?"

She looked at me as she cocked her head to the side and said, "What's a bath?"

I just looked at her dismayed, very briefly, and responded, "You know, in the bathtub." She still didn't seem to comprehend what I was asking. 

Cheyenne looked at me, her eyes wide with wonder and maybe a little terror too. She certainly was wondering what I was going to say.

I tried to explain.  "You know, in the tub. You run water in it and then splash water up on you and bathe, like a shower but sitting down in the tub."

She didn't say anything and turned and left. I know my face was turning red. I did not want to embarrass her or hurt her feelings but I was afraid I had.

My sister looked at us and said, "You've got to be kidding me, she doesn't know what a bath is?" 

And so began our discussion about how other places do not have what we consider basics and how so many things are totally foreign to them. I had gone to Jamaica in my early 20's and on excursions into the countryside, I saw the squalor so many native people lived in. Many of the homes were just little shacks and I don't think they, individually, had running water. Even at that age it just broke my heart and I was much more grateful for what I had.

Having said that, we were all a bit amazed that with her education level she still did not know what a bath was. The only thing we could imagine was that she was envisioning a bed bath, which would have been extremely awkward for my kiddo. After a while, when she hadn't returned, I did what I do and ran a bath. Cheyenne was still pretty wobbly, so I assisted her to the bathroom and closed the door.  I helped her get undressed and into the tub. 

She looked at me as I sat down on the edge of the toilet and said, "Okay, you can leave now!"

Of course, I didn't.  "Are you nuts?  I can't leave you in here alone when you're halfway to the moon." 

She rolled those pretty blues at me but gave up the protest.  It ended up that she really did need me.  She was sore and very worried about getting any water on her incision.  I enjoyed the heck out of it!  The memories of bathing my babies came back in a rush and it was really hard to contain them and not bust out bawling. I just kept talking to her and kept the tears at bay. We hurried along and even so, she was shivering. I helped her out of the tub and swathed her in towels and she finally got to get into her own jammies.

Eventually, the nurse did come back in and told us a bath would be fine. We all just looked at each other, smiled, and said, "Thank you." 

I was relieved the group hadn't spilled the beans that we had already done it!  I know it must shock some people when I just take things into my own hands, but it is the only way I know how too.  If I see something that needs done, I just take care of it. We tidied up the room as Chey napped and waited to see about discharge.

Next time, Brazil or bust...

XXOO Make Everyday Count

Bonnie  

One Year Anniversary

Oh boy has this been an emotional roller coaster of a week and I don't like roller coasters, well the ones with loops anyway! Over the past few weeks, I've been sharing with you my family’s journey after my teenage daughter was diagnosed with Metastatic Papillary Thyroid Cancer last year. Last time, I left off with the intention of telling you about the initial visit to our family doctor after discovering a thyroid nodule by accident in the ER, but that story will have to wait a while because tomorrow is a pretty special day for us in the Holt household. Why? Well let's fast forward a bit.

This week, March 20th to be exact, marked the first Anniversary of the diagnosis. I say "anniversary" in both a good and bad way. We are extremely blessed that Cheyenne is here with us and seemingly thriving. Chey is enjoying her freshman year at Tarleton State University, of course she reminds me often that she is officially classified as a sophomore LOL. She is a cheerleader, in a sorority and honor society, as well as being on the Dean's List. We are thrilled she is totally immersed in the college experience. Bleed Purple! I really am amazed and blessed at what a spectacular young woman she has become in spite of the obstacles she has faced, and thrilled to see her continue to blossom. But none of that will ever take away the emotions of what March 20th just a year ago brought.

Pediatric thyroid cancer is extremely rare. An article I read during my Mama Bear mode research by Connie Brichford The Facts About Pediatric Thyroid Cancer states that only one child in a million under age ten, and about 15 per million teens 15-19 years old develop thyroid cancer. That's great news right? Not so much when your child is one of those fifteen. Cancer is cancer and having a child diagnosed with it scares the absolute hell out of you! This week, all those fears and emotions came rushing back. One minute I'm okay, then the next I'm back to bawling and seriously worrying about the follow up tests in June. (Chey's tumor marker didn't go down, and she will repeat the whole body scan to look for metastatic disease).

I tell myself and everyone else, it's going to be fine, the marker didn't go up either, but really how do I know? How can this beautiful young person look so good, yet have a time bomb lurking in her body? These are the questions that keep me up at night and make me feel half crazy. But this isn't the worst part, the absolute worst part of all of this is I have to watch my youngest child, my baby girl, go through the same damn thing, only she's the one living with it. She goes to school, works, attends all her functions and seems to take it all in stride. She's extremely talented at keeping that game face on, she had to learn this to survive high school after all - at least there is something I can thank DISD for! Yet I see cracks in the facade. It's the texts and calls to say simply, "Love you" that break my heart. Don't get me wrong here, Chey tells me often that she loves me and vice versa but it's usually "Moon Mom" or "Heart you". When she randomly says the "L" word, she's worried or preoccupied, her mind is working on maintaining that level of security she needs to depend on and grind through it all. Lately I see frequent glimpses of that little girl who used to hide behind my legs, in the woman who now looks down at me. This is her little "tell", I'm not even sure she is aware of it. The heart strings pull tighter as she asks more "what if" questions - my answers, without emotion, are always the same, "We will have to see what the tests show and then do whatever Dr. Athanassaki recommends.

We have done this daily for the last several days. This is our dance, we have performed it over and over again and, this week especially, emotion just takes over me. Yet as draining as it can be I love my children always, (you too Sean), and considering the alternative, I pray we do this dance together for years and years to come, regardless of how many loops I have to roll through on that coaster. It may be cliché, but "To The Moon and Back, Baby."

XOXO Make Everyday Count,
Bonnie

Mama Bear in Action

I had just found out my daughters spine and neck were OK after an injury playing softball, crisis averted right? Not exactly… the doctor had also discovered a nodule on her thyroid during the work up. I look back now and think about all the emotions that were bombarding me from every direction. There was fear, oh my gosh so much fear, but there was also anger and dismay and disbelief as well. All I could think was what the hell, Please Lord, let it be nothing. This kid had already been through so much with our ordeal with her school district. 

We had loaded Cheyenne into the car for the long ride home, her neck was still in the c-collar so we reclined the front seat and tucked a jacket around her head like a baby roll. It was about one in the morning and she had received pain medication at the ER so we hoped she was going to sleep most of the way home. There was a silence so heavy it was like a blanket trying to smother me. I knew my husband had questions but was afraid to ask while Cheyenne was awake, she however, was not going to wait.

She asked me, "Momma, what did he mean, what is wrong with my thyroid?"

I told her I didn't know, we would have to go to the doctor and see what he suggested.

She didn't let that answer slide, instead she asked "With your medical background, what COULD it be?"

I have always tried to be up front with my children and answer their questions directly but without too much detail if unnecessary. I told her that it could be a benign nodule but it could be something more. I told her she would most likely need a thyroid ultrasound and possibly other tests. She asked if we would wait like the doctor suggested or would I look into it sooner. I could hear the underlying fear in her voice as she asked, and the fatigue also.

I told her I would do as I always do, she broke in and groggily said, "Good Momma, you'll find out quick and then we can take care of it" and she gave in to the narcotics and dozed off.

After a few miles, my husband asked if it could be really bad.

I told him, "if you mean bad like in cancer, yes it is always a possibility and that is why we are going in Monday and getting an ultrasound." In my life, I've never known how to do anything halfway, either I'm all in or I'm out. This would be no different.

Momma Bear was on the job. We drove home the rest of the way without too much discussion. My husband knew he had his answer and it was best to let me work out my plan in my own way and just go with it. When I set my mind to something, I do not stray from the goal easily, ask anyone, they will agree. The drive home went quickly as I was Googling all the way home. I then spent most of Sunday on the computer as Chey stayed pretty medicated and we iced her neck often. She had made the semifinals of the 2015 Rodeo Rockstar competition in Houston, top 10 in her age group and was due to perform in only two days!! We had tried to talk her out of going but being the competitor she is, you know the drill by now, she was determined to perform. So, in the midst of this entire ordeal, we were doing everything possible to get her some relief so she wouldn’t miss the show.

As medical professionals, we typically encourage our patients to avoid Dr. Google because they get just enough information to scare themselves half to death or they manifest symptoms they didn't have before--often times delaying true diagnosis of their problem. As patients, we should try to follow our own advice, but I needed answers, and I found plenty. According to several articles I read, (my favorite is thyca.org) thyroid nodules in children are pretty rare but when they do present themselves they are more often malignant, in fact, approximately 26% of them are in children vs. 5-10% of malignancies in adults. Most of these cancers are of the papillary or follicular forms (90%) but there are two additional forms, medullary (mostly inherited when in children) and anaplastic which is a more aggressive type. I also found out that girls are at higher risk than their male counterparts in the 10-19 age group, and nodules could be solid, cystic or mixed. As I investigated more, I found that ultrasound was usually the first test performed and then dependent on the result they would recommend a thyroid uptake scan, (a nuclear study that tests the function of the thyroid) a fine needle aspiration, or both. A fine needle aspiration or FNA is a biopsy procedure where a thin needle is inserted into the nodule to take tissue samples. They would also probably do lab tests and the literature seemed to say that size of the nodule mattered. It would have been helpful to get the CT scan copy or the report, when we were in the ER, but they said only their medical records department could release them and I didn't have it to reference!! It made me nearly crazy wondering about the size of Chey's nodule but now I had direction, I knew the course of action to take and that the first step was to get an ultrasound and then go from there. In the meantime I would continue to learn as much as I could about this potential adversary, with Dr. Google's help and all.

Next time, In the Doctor's Office

XXOO Make Everyday Count

The Day We Got Pickled Part Two

Riding in an ambulance is hell, period. You feel a constant mix of hurry up and get us there, and OMG slow down! The entire time you are trying to keep from bouncing off the seat and onto your loved one, as the vehicle jars your insides around, all the while watching strangers do God knows what to them. One would think, with all the technology now days, they could come up with some decent shocks on an ambulance! But I digress, back to the story at hand. My daughter, Cheyenne, had been injured in a softball game earlier in the day while trying to steal a base. She had hyper extended her neck and injured her back. Every bump we hit, in this roller coaster they call an ambulance, was excruciating for her. She would cry out in pain and then hold her breath trying not to jiggle. The ride took about twenty minutes but it seemed like an hour.

We finally arrived at the hospital and the attendants rolled her into the ER, with me in tow. It seemed to be a slow evening and I was secretly thankful. From previous experiences as a nurse and mom, I knew the wait times could be very long when the ER was busy. We were immediately taken into a room and Cheyenne was moved to a bed, she cried out many times and it hurt my heart to see her that way, especially as I could do nothing but stand by and watch. Those that know me know that I am in no way a stand by and watch kind of girl.

Eventually, a nurse came in and began the intake process, taking information about the incident, Chey’s medical history and our insurance. They wanted to cut Chey’s jersey off, but Chey just about lost it. Typical of my daughter, she was in so much pain but still strong-willed enough to yell out “You can’t cut it!” to the nurses trying to examine her. I explained to them that Coach had told all the seniors that they could have their jersey after the season ended (little did we know, that wouldn’t happen in the end) and Cheyenne wanted hers in one piece. If you ever played sports or were involved in school, the blood, sweat and tears that go into the effort are all memorialized in that uniform. Do an Internet search and you will see site after site of people who are making quilts out of them, it’s really neat and someday I will make one for each of my children, you know in all my non-existent spare time. After much pleading, they eventually gave in and managed, with my help, to get the thing off intact.

During all of this, my husband had arrived and after contacting family, he joined us in the tiny room. The doctor had also made his way in and ordered an IV with pain medicine, X-rays and a CT scan. He was concerned, of course, about a neck fracture or spinal injury. And from there the wait began. Things run slowly in an ER, I have never understood why, but they do. I think it is because of all the paperwork that is required – it’s unfortunately not as simple as taking care of the patient anymore. Through all of this, Cheyenne was muttering under her breath about the pain and how the cervical collar was digging into her skin. It was beyond frustrating to see her hurting and not have any control in getting the process moving. She needed something for pain! It’s important to note for those reading that I am a very direct individual to say the least so it’s no surprise I could not sit there quietly with my daughter in so much pain. You truly never have to wonder what I am thinking because I usually tell you! Soooo, I naturally ended up going out to the nurses’ station and asking them to get her medicine, and yes, the squeaky wheel got oiled. The nurse gave her some Toradol, which is for pain and inflammation.

In the meantime Jesse Horton from The Flash, a local online news source, had contacted me. She was very sweet and genuinely concerned about Cheyenne’s condition. I gave her the information we had so far, and promised to keep her updated when testing was completed. Cheyenne, always the competitor, questioned if Jessie happened to know the score of the softball game. Jessie informed us that the game had been forfeited so the team could join Chey at the hospital. This came as quite a surprise, since no one had come. Now, I told you earlier that there were outside influences that caused some conflict. A major one involved the school district and the school dictated grievance process we were in with them. In a small town, a school district can be one of the largest employers and opinions can be formed when people don’t have the whole story, resulting in families being ostracized easily. In our case, this is exactly what happened and unfortunately Cheyenne suffered greatly for it. I’m telling you this because it had been, and would continue to be, a major factor in Chey’s psyche later. I’ve thought often, what a great social experiment it would be to provide us with the means to start a restaurant. Staff it with extraordinary people in the field and then see if it would succeed. I highly doubt it would, because the small town mentality is often like that of a hive, which is characterized by unquestioned conformity or passive tolerance through inaction, or indifference. I believe we could have a Five-Star Chef and only those few who have stood by us would support it, the rest would continue as dictated.

The day continued to drag on and my husband’s parents arrived in time to sit with him in the waiting room as Chey and I headed to radiology! They did a plain X-ray and I was standing in the technicians’ area (behind the wall) to protect from any unneeded radiation. They moved Chey into the CT machine and as they did, she began to scream and I mean blood-curdling screams. A moan hung in my throat as I found that Mama Bear voice and told them to get her some stronger pain medicine before doing anything else and “By God, DO IT NOW!” I’m a small woman but you know when I mean business. The tech looked at me like I was crazy, but he started toward the door anyway. Luckily, they had timed it just right as a nurse was already on the way with stronger medication. They gave Chey some Demerol and Phenergan in the IV. While they did the CT, I was looking at the monitor with the X-ray on it and noticed it looked strange. There appeared to be white spots in her neck tissue? I had been texting my friend, also a nurse, trying to keep my sanity through out, and told her what I saw. She said it must be an artifact, which is an appearance on the film that is not normally there. Usually they are caused by patient movement or errors in the technique or processing of the films. I thought, ‘Okay, that sounded reasonable, even though it really didn’t look like artifact.’

The Demerol had worked quickly and Chey was much calmer when we went back to the room, she was actually a little on the goofy side as she kept looking up and giggling. Her father returned and informed us that one of her teammates had shown up after all! We can never, ever completely express the gratitude we have for this young lady. Shelby, thank you from the bottom or our hearts for showing that bit of humanity and compassion for Chey. She still often mentions it in our conversations - it really meant a great deal! The girls talked for a short time, we thanked Shelby for coming and she left. She was the only member of the team to visit, the others had gone back to Dublin. It was only just recently that we found out another student had come with her, so Cade thanks to you as well!

In the end, we were in the ER until after midnight that night. Jessie touched base often and we saw posts on Facebook. It was very surreal seeing statements from the school’s Athletic Director about out status, since he had not contacted us throughout the whole ordeal. The test results finally came back and the doctor said there were no fractures, (Thank You Lord) only severe muscle spasms and whiplash from hyper extending the neck. He told us to have Cheyenne wear the cervical collar and gave us prescriptions and instructed us to follow up with our regular doctor on Monday. We thanked him and he turned to leave, but just as he was about to step through the door, he turned back and said, “By the way, the CT showed something on her thyroid. You should probably have it evaluated later when you have a chance.” My heart began to race again, and my mind was spinning out of control as the fine hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Flashes of those white spots were swirling in my mind’s eye, as medical scenarios were flipping like index cards. I turned to my husband and said, “I told you I saw something.” I could see the fear in his eyes as he could see my concern. We loaded Chey in the car for the trip home and I silently tried to take in what the doctor had said while formulating our next step, because waiting until later was absolutely not an option for this Mama Bear.

Next time, Mama Bear in action…

XOXO Make Everyday Count,









Bonnie